The World I Live In

Virginity has always been a sensitive issue among some cultures, including the Iranian one.

As an Iranian girl, I remember hearing many times, here and there, that “a girl’s virginity is the most important treasure she has, and it has to be saved for marriage”. Having a sexual affair for non-married girls is considered a shameful behavior and is frowned upon by the society. Moreover, not only is it a sinful behavior, according to Islam, but also a crime, according to the Iranian laws. Hence, by law, those unmarried girls who are found out to have had sexual affairs deserve severe punishments.

However, like everyone else in the world, Iranian girls are also curious about the mysteries of sex and long to find out what all the fuss is about.

During high school I heard stories about a couple of girls having sexual relationships with their boyfriends. They had become the black sheep of the whole school. Some girls would avoid them, feeling shameful to even talk to them, and some, on the other hand, would try to get close to them to find out more about their mysterious relationships.

When I entered university I heard more similar stories. There were more and more girls talking about their relationships with their boyfriends; all in secret, of course.

Interestingly, the concept of virginity has a different meaning in the Iranian culture than the Western one. In the Western sense, virginity and hymen are two separate concepts. A virgin is a woman “who has never had a sexual intercourse”; a girl may lose her hymen doing physical activities, but she only loses her virginity once she has an intercourse for the first time. In the Iranian culture, though, hymen, which is literally translated as ‘virginity-membrane’, is recognized as the symbol of virginity.

As a result of the same culture, many of those girls who confessed about their affairs would, at the same time, claim to still be a virgin! And once asked how that was possible, they all had one same answer- “My hymen is elastic; it is unbreakable”, they would boast. ( Eventhough I have not managed to find a clear academic explanation for it, I know that the theory exists in the Iranian culture and is used by the Iranian gynecologists).

There were also girls who felt brave enough to confess to losing their virginity. However, none had forgotten that in order to be able to get married they had to be virgin again. It appeared that the solution was in the hands of the gynecologists. Apparently, a simple but pricey surgical operation, a few days before the wedding day, could make the girls’ dream of being a virgin bride come true. The operation is known as hymen restoration or “hymenoplasty”. It takes place in the doctors’ private clinics and with much caution, as it is not approved by the Iranian medical association and is considered illegal. (I must also add that Iran is not the only country where the girls undergo such an operation; apparently it exists in some Arabic societies, and also in Korea, according to Wikipedia).

The operation sounds to me like killing three birds with one stone-the girls would manage to get married with no embarrassment, the boys would finally meet their dream girls, who, unlike their past girlfriends, are rare and intact, and the doctors would make a fortune!

I’m in the last year of high school, studying hard to prepare for ‘concour’, the university entrance exam. My days include the normal school ours followed by extra concour preparation lessons until late afternoon.

One afternoon my friend, Simin, and I are walking home from our literature lesson, laughing about the jokes the teacher made in the class, when suddenly a woman’s voice interrupts us. “Excuse me girls, come here please”, the voice says. We notice two female revolutionary guards in black chadors, and two male ones in green military uniforms, standing by the side of the road next to a small bus with the revolutionary guard signs on it. We can sense trouble. Every day they go around the city with their buses and arrest people. Girls get arrested for not covering up properly or even worse for being seen with a boy, and boys get arrested for dressing in “western style” or companying a girl. Our hearts start beating fast and we quicken our steps, pulling our head scarves down. One of the male guards runs to stop us. “Ma’am, we told you to come over here”, he shouts. We walk towards them with trembling steps. “Is there anything wrong sir?” I ask. “You’re not wearing a proper hejab”, one of the guards replies. “We’re so sorry, we’ll take care of it right now”, I say, pulling my scarf further down over my forehead. He tells us we need to sign a paper, promising to cover up properly in the future. “Just get on the bus to sign the paper and then we’ll let you go”, he tells us, leading us onto the bus. As we get on I notice some other girls are already there. Suddenly, to my surprise, the bus starts moving. “You said you’d let us go immediately” I tell the guards. “Quiet! We won’t be long”, one of them replies. Simin starts panicking. I feel angry and frightened. I look around and see many worried eyes. As the bus goes around the city more and more girls are pushed inside, until it’s almost packed. They are from different ages and backgrounds. Among all of us there is a woman who looks to be in her thirties; she is beautiful and stylish. I later realize she is an academic member of a university. Feeling offended, she keeps complaining to the guards, asking to let her get off. She finally loses her temper and starts shouting and swearing. A female guard pushes her and she attacks back. Suddenly one of the male guards, who is a big man with a bushy black beard, handcuffs her to a pole and threatens everyone else to end up the same way if they complain. The woman keeps quite and so does everyone else.

Read more…

Place: a capital city somewhere

Time: 1980’s and 1990’s

Character: one of the many girls in the city

I’m a little girl. I’m about to start school and am extremely excited. They say schools are fun places to be in. “you’ll learn new things and meet interesting people. You’re going to love it!” So, I can’t wait to start.

Mum says we need to get a school uniform for me. I can’t wait to see myself in one. We get to school to get one that fits me. I’m not too impressed by them. My uniform is a long, loose, dark grey, long sleeved coat, to wear with a pair of matching baggy trousers and a matching head scarf. It’s not exactly what I had in my dreams but mum says we can color it up with a lovely colorful bag and colorful shoes. So I’m happy. Mum keeps her promise. She gets me a beautiful pink and purple bag with a picture of a beautiful Barbie on it, and a pair of white tennis shoes with touches of pink color in them. Just like the ones in my dreams. Now I’m excited again.

I finally go to school. Wow! A lot of little girls in ugly dark grey uniforms, just like myself. I’m still excited about my new bag and shoes though. But it doesn’t last too long because khanoome nazem, the school’s principal, calls me to the office and warns me that colorful bags and shoes are not allowed in the school; only dark colors are allowed. I feel sad. I can’t show my beautiful bag and shoes to my school mates. Mum says we have to obey the school rules. The next day I’m carrying a black bag and am wearing black shoes. Read more…