well it’s silly . I write only when I’m fucked up ! the last post was kind of exceptional in my whole life …
now it’s all over again. Happiness never last long. I’m quite used to it, life has always forced me to give away every single thing or person that I was emotionally attached to, my family, my love, my home …
and tonight … again … I’m back to my solitude … back to my miseries … no trace of love anymore
Tag-Archive for » migration «
16
Dec
2009
2009
Category: within me
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27
Oct
2009
2009
the above term might not make much sense to non-Iranians. but in our language you use it when you wanna describe how terrible somebody is in Englsih !
that was never used for me as I have mostly been better in English than people around me.
it’s been hours now that I need a thing but I don’t know what it’s called in English so I can borrow from my flatmates … when will I feel like home in this country ? … never ?
Category: Minimal
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05
Oct
2009
2009
Fucking Hell !!! my hands and feet are too cold and I can hardly type. I’m reminded to last year when I had just moved to London, I was feeling cold every night in my dark lonely room, I was feeling so lonesome though there were two others laughing in the living room. they were supposed to be caring of me but …
I started hating everything about London, everyday I struggled to get rid of this solitude but things just got worse and worse. Spent many hours walking along the streets and sitting by the Thames wishing to have someone to talk to … the whole winter went on like that.
Today … it’s cold again, but cold weather is now almost the only thing I hate about London. I am changed in attitudes, deeds, beliefs, dress and so many other things, seems I’m becoming a Londoner. (well fortunately I still drink more like Les Parisiennes than Londoners 
)
I get calls to join people but I choose sitting alone in my room. I like reading books in my bed rather than partying, I enjoy shopping alone … I am starting to enjoy my solitude.
Yeah this city has taught me Loneliness !
Category: within me
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27
Sep
2009
2009
A friend was telling me sometime ago “you’re fate goes with you wherever you go” , now I am dead sure she was right…
Dictators always point to another system as their enemy that is the reason of all problems and lacks and shortages. they try to convince you, if that enemy didn’t exist or they defeat it, world would be paradise. well we all know the truth is, if they don’t make up that enemy, they can’t survive and this is their trick and their key to keep ruling.
I know this pretty well cause I was born and lived for so many years under power of such government. I came to live in west cause I was fed up with dictatorship, I left my home, my dignity, my famliy and friends ,… to gain freedom. Sounds rediculous to pay such a big price to get something which is simply your own right and many people have it for free since they are born…
and now after all … I was told in that hell meeting, I have to say “yes Sir” to him, even if he is saying bullshit. and he blamed all the faults and problems he made, on me. He claimed it was me who made all the troubles and if I didn’t do so everything would have gone perfect ! … Well, thanks God that I was there for him , like the US and West for Islamic Republic of Iran.
Yeah, no matter where you are, in West (land of democracy) or in the Third World, your fate will follow you wherever you go. you are condemned to be ruled by dictators.
Category: within me
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