well it’s silly . I write only when I’m fucked up ! the last post was kind of exceptional in my whole life …
now it’s all over again. Happiness never last long. I’m quite used to it, life has always forced me to give away every single thing or person that I was emotionally attached to, my family, my love, my home …
and tonight … again … I’m back to my solitude … back to my miseries … no trace of love anymore
16
Dec
2009
2009
Category: within me
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28
Nov
2009
2009
have never felt this much liberated
open my eyes in the morning
for the first time, time doesn’t matter nor the place
for the first time gray sky of Saturday morning doesn’t make me feel blue
and for the first time … I’m a woman
Category: within me
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09
Nov
2009
2009
it’s quite a while the whole universe seem to be trying to bring me down
I’ve been trying so hard to carry on
got no more cards to play
forced to give up now
Category: within me
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27
Oct
2009
2009
the above term might not make much sense to non-Iranians. but in our language you use it when you wanna describe how terrible somebody is in Englsih !
that was never used for me as I have mostly been better in English than people around me.
it’s been hours now that I need a thing but I don’t know what it’s called in English so I can borrow from my flatmates … when will I feel like home in this country ? … never ?
Category: Minimal
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23
Oct
2009
2009
This is absolutely wonderful, You suddenly get up at 4 Am and find your bed wet!!!
well ok Fuck it, but why something that might happen in your life every 30 years, should happen just tonight when you got a guest sleeping by you in bed ??!! so not only you gotto stay up till morning, you should beg God not to let her find what’s up … Damn !
Category: Uncategorized
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11
Oct
2009
2009
well I was quite down
to find you weren’t the one
but later on
I felt really fine
maybe it was the red wine
also it was the first time
in my whole life
wearing a short skirt
walking alone late night
feeling the delicate rain drops on my legs
spent another lonesome weekend
depressed and blue and down
…
now feeling satisfied again
maybe it’s the whiskey
but life goes on anyway
though it’s too risky
Category: Uncategorized
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05
Oct
2009
2009
Fucking Hell !!! my hands and feet are too cold and I can hardly type. I’m reminded to last year when I had just moved to London, I was feeling cold every night in my dark lonely room, I was feeling so lonesome though there were two others laughing in the living room. they were supposed to be caring of me but …
I started hating everything about London, everyday I struggled to get rid of this solitude but things just got worse and worse. Spent many hours walking along the streets and sitting by the Thames wishing to have someone to talk to … the whole winter went on like that.
Today … it’s cold again, but cold weather is now almost the only thing I hate about London. I am changed in attitudes, deeds, beliefs, dress and so many other things, seems I’m becoming a Londoner. (well fortunately I still drink more like Les Parisiennes than Londoners 
)
I get calls to join people but I choose sitting alone in my room. I like reading books in my bed rather than partying, I enjoy shopping alone … I am starting to enjoy my solitude.
Yeah this city has taught me Loneliness !
Category: within me
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04
Oct
2009
2009
Sitting on my red armchair by the red curtains, leaning my feet on the red little coffee table taking strawberries out of the red bowl and looking at all the lovely red objects I gathered in my room to make it look cool, I feel quite satistfied.
Yeah Red is my color indeed !!
there is a persian peom I murmur alot these days, might sound silly in English translation but anyway a part of it says: ” oh Love , oh Love , I can’t see your Blue face here … “ I love this peom but I always complained “why Blue? , Love is not Blue. it should be Red !” … But now I should admit I’m having second thoughts … there is no sign of love in this red room, there is no love in my red life either … yeah maybe love is not Red … Alas …
Category: within me
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29
Sep
2009
2009
Is he really good in bed or I like it just because when we do it, is the only time I feel he likes me more than Chelo-Kabab ?!
Category: Minimal
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27
Sep
2009
2009
A friend was telling me sometime ago “you’re fate goes with you wherever you go” , now I am dead sure she was right…
Dictators always point to another system as their enemy that is the reason of all problems and lacks and shortages. they try to convince you, if that enemy didn’t exist or they defeat it, world would be paradise. well we all know the truth is, if they don’t make up that enemy, they can’t survive and this is their trick and their key to keep ruling.
I know this pretty well cause I was born and lived for so many years under power of such government. I came to live in west cause I was fed up with dictatorship, I left my home, my dignity, my famliy and friends ,… to gain freedom. Sounds rediculous to pay such a big price to get something which is simply your own right and many people have it for free since they are born…
and now after all … I was told in that hell meeting, I have to say “yes Sir” to him, even if he is saying bullshit. and he blamed all the faults and problems he made, on me. He claimed it was me who made all the troubles and if I didn’t do so everything would have gone perfect ! … Well, thanks God that I was there for him , like the US and West for Islamic Republic of Iran.
Yeah, no matter where you are, in West (land of democracy) or in the Third World, your fate will follow you wherever you go. you are condemned to be ruled by dictators.
Category: within me
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